Bad with Names or Remembering Things?: How to maximize your attention even if you're "bad" at something

Do you have anxiety about remembering one type of thing? It could be remembering people's names, or if there's an icebreaker in a group session and everyone is asked to name their favorite book or movie, their mind goes blank. You’re not alone, I have this too! This is pure anxiety.

I have anxiety about remembering names. I have anxiety about remembering books I've read or movies I’ve seen. So when I'm asked one of these questions, my entire attention is occupied by the fact that I believe I'm not good at these things.

The other day, I was in the process of introducing myself to some new folks. I missed their names because the narrative in my mind that was occupying my attention kept telling me I wasn't good at remembering names. Instead of falling victim to something you believe you are not good at, be proactive instead! In that moment, make a process for yourself that works for you.

When a situation like this arises, I put all of my attention into really remembering someone's name. I'll even develop a system for myself. I'm a very visual person, so while they're saying their name to me, in my mind I will create a visual association.

If their name is Linda, I might remember a Linda I know and put that person's face in my mind. In any case, you should do whatever you need to convince yourself this is not something you are bad at. Believing it's something you're bad at will occupy all of your attention in the moment. It's the same with communication more broadly. If we are convinced we are not good communicators, then that thought in itself is what distracts us away from actually listening to ourselves in the moment, knowing what we want to say, and communicating effectively.

For those of you who have anxiety about lists, I do too! Do you know what I do for these moments? I keep a short list on my phone of all the lists I'm afraid I'm going to forget. It's maybe three or four books I've read in the past few years or a couple of movies I've seen that I really like. I even keep a list of the leaders I really admire because that especially is a question that brings up so much anxiety for me. So make yourself some cheat sheets if that helps. There's nothing wrong with having one.

There's also nothing wrong with taking a breath in the moment. Connecting to yourself and listening to the answer you think is going to make the most sense and get you through that moment is key. Instead of spinning in anxiety about something you believe you're not good at, give this a shot and let me know how it goes!