Prioritize Comfort

What are you prioritizing when speaking?

Are you focusing on what you want to say? Or are you over-prioritizing other people’s perceptions of you?

This is one of the most common issues I see in this work. When the stakes are high, we watch ourselves instead of prioritizing our perspective. We search for the “right” words to sound “professional” or “eloquent”.

All of that robs you of your presence. It takes away your ability to be comfortable and at ease. And we can’t access confidence without comfort and ease!

We’re so busy over-exerting in order to prioritize confidence and executive presence that we struggle to cultivate either.

Up here in the northeast, I’m embracing winter. I’m keeping cozy. I refuse to wear anything that’s not a sweatsuit.

What are you doing these days to make yourself comfortable?

How does your ability to express yourself change if you prioritize your physical comfort? When you feel more comfortable, does it help you speak with more ease?

I know most people don’t have the luxury of comfort in all spaces. As a white person, I cannot possibly understand the very real fear, intimidation, and pressure that comes from trying to manage other people’s perceptions of you instead of prioritizing your own personality, presence, and power.

White supremacy perpetuates perfectionism which is at odds with our ability to be comfortable.

I’ve seen this power in hundreds of folks I’ve supported. When they start to prioritize their own physical comfort over the perception of others (particularly those with more power and privilege) they increase their own ability to feel powerful in less comfortable spaces.

They start listening to themselves more deeply, instead of centering the pressure of these oppressive systems.

They can more easily reject (even well-intentioned) feedback that distracts them in their most important moments.

They start to breathe and realize that they were lost in thought, holding their breath, because that’s what happens when we feel threatened and unsafe.

They start honoring their own voice, taking up more space, taking their time, so they can actually think about what they want to say instead of rushing to the end of their train of thought (all the while losing track of what they were saying in the moment).

They lean back. They breathe deeply. They consolidate their focus and their attention isn’t splintered anymore.

Time and time again, when we prioritize our own ability to feel safe, seen, and heard, we speak with more comfort. We also help others feel more comfortable too.

And by the way, I rarely (if ever) “achieve” comfort. I constantly revert to unconscious thought and physical tension every few moments. It’s anxiety. It’s capitalism. It’s societal.

But comfort becomes a focus, and then a refocus, a North Star, that distracts me from the habitual anxiety and helps me cultivate safety and comfort. And that helps me trust myself.

I know it’s scary. Relaxation is not available in every space. So ease into it. Pay attention when you’re comfortable. Muscle memory that into your less comfortable moments.

How do you sit when you’re comfortable?

How do you breathe when you’re at ease?

How do you speak when you don’t have to think?

What does trusting yourself feel like?

I would love to know. Let me know in the comments.

Lee