Moving from Stiffness to Stillness
Many of us have spent the past few years stuck in our devices, paralyzed from emotional overwhelm. As we begin to emerge from screens, it’s essential that we transform stiffness into stillness.
I was raised by a mime and I’ve always struggled with speaking. I’d lose my personality and perspective when the spotlight turned to me.
My mom was a mime but I’ve always struggled with stillness. I can’t sit still and my mind’s constantly racing.
It doesn’t help that my other parent was a meditator (I could never turn off my brain) and a Broadway musician (I can’t stand silence either).
But since the start of the pandemic, especially the past few weeks, there is something new: Stiffness. I feel stiff physically and paralyzed emotionally.
It’s from sitting behind these screens for years, hyper-conscious of micro-movements causing us to stiffen and force stillness.
It’s from nodding unconsciously, leaning in, and “showing” we’re engaged instead of prioritizing our own comfort.
It’s from over-exerting on video calls, especially when others don’t have videos on, causing us to fill the void with effort and projection.
It’s from trying to be heard and having to work extra hard to get a word in on Zoom.
It’s from perpetual marginalization, oppressive systems, and abusive workplaces.
It’s from endless exhausting tragedies, massacres, and loss—personally, globally, and far closer to home.
It’s from the stress of caregiving with inflexible work demands and micro-managers.
For me, it’s from sitting in my big pink chair all day and consciously cultivating stillness. A few weeks ago, I could not move. I couldn’t click a mouse or scroll my phone. It was an “overuse injury” my doctor said—it forced me to take a break and take a breath.
I had been holding my breath, bracing against the next disaster, furiously holding space for the overwhelm experienced by the people I’m honored to support.
In person, listening can be simpler and can take much less effort. We went from moving constantly to sitting still for 2+ years. We’ve been stuck inside screens, desperate for connection and validation through distance and distress.
I don’t know about you, but now that the world is starting to move again, I’m having some whiplash. Here are some thoughts to help us move from stiffness and overwhelm to focused presence:
Video is a microscope for presence
These screens pick up everything, from looking up to find the right word to fidgeting and frustration. We think we have to over-exert to show we’re engaged, but it actually steals our presence and makes it harder to listen. Nodding unconsciously or looking at our phones is causing neck stiffness and overuse injuries. And yet, stillness is super important for focus, not just for our audience but also for ourselves. For listeners, extraneous movement can distract from our message, and this is amplified on a Zoom screen. But for us, rapid eye movement makes us lose our train of thought. Fidgeting unintentionally leads to unconscious thinking and speaking. And fillers feed a lack of confidence as we seek and search instead of trusting that we know what we want to say. Settling your physical energy is essential to focusing and paying attention to the present moment.
Use breath as a barometer
When we’re lost in thought we tend to hold our breath, especially if we have a tendency toward anxiety. When you’re actively listening on Zoom, make sure you are consciously breathing as well. Use belly breathing to make sure you are oxygenating your system and countering a tendency towards breath-based anxiety and shallow breathing. Settle your eye contact and avoid nodding unconsciously. Instead, focus on your breath or the sounds of the voices around you. I call my breath my “listening mechanism”—paying attention to breath helps me focus in the present moment instead of getting lost in thought. I even use it to drown out racing thoughts in moments of anxiety. The breath brings you to the present moment, and then the next present moment, and the next one.
Make the unconscious conscious
If you have a tendency to fidget unconsciously, settle that energy. Use a prop or feel your back on the chair to change up the attentional focus. Get heavy in your body which helps to soothe your central nervous system. If you’re filling the space unintentionally with fillers or fumbles, take a breath instead and give yourself permission to pause. When you purposefully make the unconscious conscious, it leads to more intentional thinking and speaking and gives you more control in the present moment.
Emotional overwhelm cannot be ignored
So many people are suffering and struggling right now—they’re recovering from another bout of Covid, they’re grieving, they’re caregiving for immunocompromised parents or unvaccinated kids, they’re processing the onslaught of oppression and white supremacy that’s unavoidable and paralyzing for so many. For my clients in healthcare and other essential workers, they’re exhausted. They never got to go behind screens and have been sacrificing their health, safety, and sanity these past few years. We can’t always tell through a Zoom room or behind a mask what’s really going on for someone, especially when we are not sharing the same space.
Change up your set-up
If your at-home set-up is uncomfortable, do whatever you can to change it up. Get a standing desk or work at a counter (standing on an anti-fatigue mat goes a long way) and raise your camera to eye-level so you are not looking down all day. Switch up the hand that you use for your mouse or texting, increasing neuro-plasticity and avoiding overuse injuries. Get an external monitor so you’re not looking at a tiny screen. Get a massage if you can afford it or give a loved one a hug. Use dictation whenever you can. Stretch (or dance!) at your desk in between meetings. Go work outside for a change and put your feet in the dirt if you can.