Public Speaking Panic: How to manage anxiety when communicating
Do you have shortness of breath when public speaking? The way to manage breath-based anxiety may be different than you think.
Public speaking panic can be the biggest roadblock to confident communication.
Palpitations. Throat constriction. Air hunger. Shortness of breath. Vocal shakiness. Shaky hands.
You may wonder, “Why do I lose my breath when public speaking?” or “How can I stop shaking when presenting?”
The answer may be different than you think.
I’ve spent 10+ years helping thousands of leaders be their best selves in moments of pressure. And working harder to be a “better” public speaker always backfires.
Over-preparing and scripting only leaves you doubting yourself and your ability to speak with confidence. Over-thinking and crafting the “perfect” response only makes you less present and thus less powerful. Recording yourself, practicing in a mirror, and over-rehearsing only decreases your intuition and ability to trust yourself.
The problem is that anxiety takes our agency away. It takes away our ability to make choices in the moment, to access our ideas and expertise, and to trust our ability to communicate.
And when we can’t trust ourselves, we cannot communicate with confidence.
So what can you do instead?
Speaking shame and stigma
I always struggled speaking up.
I was confident doing my work but the moment I had to talk about myself or my work, I’d lose my personality.
I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t articulate my ideas when put on the spot.
When I started doing this work, I realized that most people feel the same. We’re just not talking about it! Just by having conversations every day about the intensity of this feeling, my own response to it changed. The intensity began to deflate because I felt less alone in it. Trusting that nothing is wrong with you is the first step.
If most people are experiencing this, then odds are, you are not alone. If you have a fear of speaking up, then it’s likely others on your team feel the same. And yet, most of us feel ashamed that we feel this way.
Every day, I speak to people who feel this way. But there is an underlying sense of shame or a fear that something is inherently wrong with them because of it. “Why does this happen to me? It doesn’t make any sense!” “I should be able to introduce myself without going blank.” “I’m fine in some situations, but in others, I can’t speak at all.” Or my own personal fave: “Why does it happen when I’m speaking in off-the-cuff in conversations—I’m not even public speaking—that must really mean something is wrong with me!”
Nothing is wrong with you. You are a human being who over-prioritizes how you are being perceived instead of what you need to say in the present moment. This is a physiological reaction, far beyond our control. This is rooted in the fact that our body processes social rejection in the same way as it does physical pain.
Of course, it’s also due to oppressive systems that silence voices that fall outside of the Dominant Default (white, cis, straight, male, strong, “confident”).
But the more we understand our innate reaction in situations of stress, the more we can proactively counter it and build a strong foundation for confident communication. Even when you are shaking uncontrollably.
Public speaking is actually about focus
When we focus on being “better” speakers, it continually reinforces that we aren’t good at this. But we feel confident when we’re comfortable. We communicate with clarity when we’re at ease and feel safe.
When we’re one-on-one, most of us have an innate focus. We know our purpose, who we’re there to serve, and what we’re there to do.
But when that audience goes from one to many (or from peers or direct reports to senior leaders), many of us lose our innate focus. We start to center ourselves and our own anxiety (what do they think of me?) instead of focusing on the task at hand (our purpose and impact).
The key to improving confidence begins with anchoring your attention in the present moment. Getting out of your head and into your body.
The answer to our anxiety is always in the present moment.
Get out of your head
It is essential to center and ground our physical attention when we feel anxious. But this is the opposite of what the anxiety tells you to do.
The anxiety splinters your attention (”How am I being perceived?” “Can they tell my voice is shaking?!” “Oh no, it’s happening again!”). This creates less focus in our communication (circuitous thinking, unconscious fillers, and back-peddling). The answer is to consolidate your attention into a specific area of physical focus.
The anxiety will tell you to move, fidget, adjust, and restate. All of these things cause more anxiety when done unconsciously. Unconscious behaviors lead to unconscious thinking which can spiral unconscious anxiety.
Instead, make unconscious behaviors purposeful. Feel the tactile ridge on a pen instead of fidgeting unconsciously with it. Lean back and feel the points of contact between your body and your chair or your feet on the floor. Think of melting physically and getting heavy, an effective response to vagal nerve dysregulation.
Focus on stability and sturdiness, not stillness to anchor your attention in your body.
Regulate your nervous system
When we feel anxious, most of us tend to escape to analytical thought, as if we can think our way out of it. The problem is that more thinking leads to more thinking and thoughts are just my thoughts are just more thoughts...
We have to get out of our heads and into our bodies. We can do this by having an outside-in approach and choosing a big physical tool to re-focus our attention.
We want to anchor our attention in any sense outside of thinking.
And then refocus our attention when we inevitably return to racing thoughts.
My tool of choice is conscious breathing. I anchor to the sound of my audible breath because it creates an auditory anchor that can actually replace the soundtrack of racing thoughts. It also happens to regulate the nervous system out of fight-or-flight.
One of the biggest misconceptions about breath-based anxiety is that we need to take in more air to alleviate it. This creates even more effortful breathing and more chest activity in that effort, which perpetuates anxiety. In fact, when our hearts are palpitating, our bodies are pumping more air and blood at a surface level. We are not breathing deeply or taking generative breaths.
In these moments, most of us are inhaling over an open mouth, gasping to try and get as much air as we can while continuing to speak fast and not pausing to breathe. This also perpetuates the cycle of anxiety.
We have to counter the speed and intensity of anxiety by consciously slowing down the moment.
Instead, use diaphragmatic breathing, also known as belly breathing, 360 breathing, or my personal favorite, yogic breathing, called Ujjayi Pranayama. This translates from Sanskrit into “ocean-sounding breath” or “the victorious breath”.
I practice this breath outside of communication as an attentional exercise. Every time my mind wanders and I get lost in thought, I bring my attention back to the sound of the breath. I do this again and again, because the practice is really in the moment of resetting rather than trying to maintain perfection in presence.
At the same time, I am building my capacity for more breath support and control when I need it most. I practice this outside of communication so that this deeper, more generative breath becomes more available and accessible to me in moments of high stress.
In the immediate lead up to a speaking opportunity, I recommend elongating the exhale and shortening the inhale. I will even do this when muted on Zoom as a way of waiting out the lingering nerves just before I begin to speak.
This creates an attentional focus that gives me a strong foundation. It gives me a consistent place to return to when I get swept up into the anxiety. And it doesn't hurt that it is proven to regulate the sympathetic nervous system.
Your power is your presence
Most of all, make a choice. Anxiety breeds in our inability to have agency. We begin to reclaim some of that control and confidence when we make choices that feed our ability to feel in control and confident. And then we have to commit to our choices. We have to identify anxious thoughts as just that. We have to give ourselves permission to not center the racing thoughts and to focus instead in the present moment.
The answer to my anxiety always exists in the present moment. That’s where the answers are anyway.
How communication coaching works
Communication coaching is about unlearning habitual fillers and fidgeting and unlocking your voice from anxiety and toxic workplaces. In my Comfortable Confidence approach, we handcraft tools to unlock your ability to be your best self in your most important moments.
Unconscious habits and patterns can lead to over-thinking and anxiety in challenging moments. That’s why we create tools in the moment that are not habitual. We want to create anchors or tools that force us into the present moment.
We unlock our natural confidence by making the unconscious conscious. We do this by:
consolidating our focus in the present moment
cultivating physical comfort for ourselves and others
communicating with clarity by creating structure in spontaneous moments