Feedback: How to make sure we receive what we need and discard what we don’t

Photo by Nik MacMillan on Unsplash

Feedback is essential to growth. But how do you know when you should listen to feedback, or discard it?

When someone comes to see me because they deeply want to improve in a certain area, it makes my heart sing. You want to feel more confident or be more engaging when speaking? Let’s do it. But recently, a number of my (mostly) female clients have been coming to me because of feedback that doesn’t sound quite right.

They are told they’re too “bubbly” or that they don’t have enough executive presence. They come off as “snobby”. I ask them if the feedback comes from a trusted source, and usually it comes from a male supervisor. And most importantly, it’s not something they’re particularly interested in improving.

In these instances, it’s not necessarily the feedback itself that’s problematic. It’s the overcorrection that causes a problem. You’re told you are too “nice”, so you stiffen up and refuse to smile, thus cutting off a huge part of yourself at work. That’s no good! Or you have been told you can be too commanding so you stop inserting your opinions in meetings. You’ve overcorrected.

I’m not interested in

Take the Reigns

To get ahead of feedback, it’s essential for you to frame the conversation.