The Virtual Validation Void: How to feel more powerful on video calls

When you’re trying to get a word in on zoom calls, it’s essential to maintain your power instead of getting absorbed into the screen.

You’re thinking ahead and then go blank. You’re leaning in so much you might fall into the screen. You’re filling the space while over-thinking.

You’re prioritizing how you’re perceived instead of what you want to say.

You may be falling into the validation void.

Too many of us are leaning in so much we’re falling into the screen. I blame Sheryl Sandberg.

Zoom takes away our natural rhythm in conversation. Especially for underrepresented voices, getting a word in does not feel powerful.

We’re escaping from the screen with dancing eyes, which makes us disconnect and dissociate, making us lose our train of thought.

We’re watching ourselves and watching everyone else watch us.

We have to reject executive presence and perfection. We have to reprioritize presence and staying in our physical space.

It’s the virtual Validation Void. We’re filling the void with the validation and connection we’re subconsciously seeking.

We have to know where we end and the screen begins.

First of all, just see the tendency. Recognizing the unconscious behavior is all you need to start shifting the habit. It usually comes from a desire to prove unconsciously. Replace that desire with an intention to welcome your audience e into your world instead.

🌄 Start by leaning back. You’ll still want to lean in - use that impulse to keep you present. Make a powerful choice to take up space and be physically expansive instead of leaning in and shrinking unconsciously.

🌠 Next, steady your gaze. Instead of letting eye focus be unconscious, be intentional with where you’re looking. Keep your focus grounded instead of flinging your attention to the ceiling or over-indexing people’s reactions.

🌇 Light a candle or keep a photo of your kid offscreen so you have something in your physical space to return your focus to. This keeps you physically present and helps you feel grounded in your own space, improving strategic thinking.

🎇 Finally, recognize the desire to prove or push and consciously replace it with an intention to welcome your audience. This will help you counter the urge to fill the space and help you take up space and take your time.

Fefuse to be rushed. Trying to get a word in makes us feel like we have to speak fast, but that just adds to the chaos and perpetuates talking over and interrupting. Instead, use conscious filler to take the conversation and then use micro-pauses to modulate your pace so you can go forward with more intention.

Do you feel the validation void? How does it show up for you? What other behaviors have you noticed when speaking on zoom calls? Do you feel more powerful or less powerful on zoom vs in-person?