Compassion for Caregivers
We’re three weeks into the so-called “new year” but many of us didn’t get a break or the reset we needed. Who here feels burnt out?
This may be especially true if you’re one of the millions of Americans juggling unexpected school closures with working from home.
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon experience in this country these days (and I can’t stop thinking about parents who work outside the home—particularly in essential services—or those who don’t have the privilege to afford childcare).
Last week, my kid was home unexpectedly and it was totally overwhelming and all-encompassing. And I have so much privilege: 1) I work for myself and from home, 2) My partner is her primary caretaker and is usually here to be with her when we have to deal with this, 3) She was home for ONE DAY, not five or ten, and it was not health-related, and 4) I only had one meeting and it was the PresentVoices Community—a perfect opportunity to let my kid see me work and let the professional walls down a bit.
I have all of this privilege and it was still totally overwhelming and all-encompassing.
One of my favorite sales leaders, Alyssa Merwin Henderson, posted some tips on LinkedIn this week to help leaders create a more inclusive and constructive virtual environment for all of their teammates, including parents. I love her idea of putting up a “Child In Office (CIO)” message instead of an “Out of Office”. Read all of Alyssa’s tips here.
The situation immediately invokes so much anxiety, but it’s important to counter that natural tendency as much as you can, as a Magnetic Opposite. Slow your breathing to slow your thought process. Try not to multitask so you can focus on what you are doing in each chaotic moment. Parents are experts at multitasking, but this is one place where I wish we didn’t have to be—how can you cultivate a sense of calm and control when the opposite is so clearly true?
Here are some tips if you find yourself suddenly and unexpectedly with a Child In Office while trying to work in the virtual world:
Let them know early and often: At the beginning of the call, mention it without apology: “By the way, I have my kid here today unexpectedly—you may hear some noises in the background and I may have to get her something from time-to-time.” And repeat it concisely when new people join.
Replace “I’m sorry” with “Thank you”: Your gut impulse will be to apologize. It makes sense, but it’s not your fault, and everyone knows that. Consciously replace the tendency to apologize with gratitude. Each time you come back from being interrupted, say something like, “Thanks so much for your patience” or “Thanks for understanding, everyone”. This will also help you feel grounded, present, and confident.
Set your kid up for success: Set up anything and everything that you think might work to hold their attention before your call. Lunch, snacks, candy, YouTube Kids, whatever you need to do to get through it. Save some stuff just for these moments so they’re special and rare (ours is YouTube Kids!).
Reframe it to a positive: Almost everyone at some point in their life will take on the monumental task of caregiving, whether they are parents or children of aging parents. Seeing this as an opportunity to create more comfortable and inclusive environments for everyone makes it easier and removes the guilt. This will also give people permission to confidently give a heads up if they are expecting an important delivery, for example. It truly benefits all!
What are you doing at your organization to make this moment easier on working parents, caregivers, and everyone experiencing the heaviness of this hard time? What do you wish organizations would do to help ease the burden for employees right now? Comment below and let me know!