In-person vs. Virtual Communication

How's everyone doing with this not-so-slow transition back to in-person communication? Maybe you're going into the office a day or two a week, or maybe you are looking to make some big life changes. We have spent the last year focusing on presence in the virtual world because we've had to, and it's been exhausting! We've also been able to harness our attention through silence, spaciousness, and stillness to optimize our communication in the virtual world. 

Will you be able to transition the tools you've worked up over the past year to make them work in real person situations? The good news is that we have been prepared for this because the virtual world is the laboratory of communication. Masks have required us to be clearer with our communication; to make eye contact, and make gestures to amplify our voices, and connect more. All of this will help your focus when communicating in person.

Let's talk specifically about how this translates. I've been talking all year about leaning back. The truth is, I often saw the behavior of leaning in when I would walk through the halls of corporate offices. I would see people around a boardroom table, with everyone leaning in except for the person at the head of the table.

Now in the virtual world, I almost always recommend continuing to lean back. Leaning in never gives you the power, and presence we're looking for. We think it shows being engaged, but really it's sapping away our energy and confidence. Try to lean back, and think about taking up space or pulling your audience to you. When you lean back, you are upping your hormonal confidence, and creating a sense of your own space. This should be applied both on video calls and in person.

The one exception for in-person communication here is if you are the person with the most power and privilege in the room. In that case, it can be more powerful for you to lean in because you are giving your power away, and making others feel more comfortable. But on video, it rarely serves you to lean in (it can seem intimidating if you’re in a position of power).

Another tip to remember is eye contact. The most important thing to remember with eye contact is that you can look away when you need to think! Just be sure to reengage when you start speaking (creating micro-moments of thought = presence!).

The trick with eye contact in person is that you cannot speak to more than one person at a time -  we never can. That's the beauty of communication! We have practiced all year channeling our attention through eye contact. Not necessarily looking in the camera, but looking at people's eyes right on the screen. What that does is it roots our attention in our body and in the present moment, and prevents us from getting lost in deep, analytical thought. 

I talk a lot about how in virtual space, we don't actually have to look at every face on the screen because it makes us look distracted, and not present. When we're back to communicating in person, make eye contact with one person while speaking through thought or an idea. At the end of that idea, take a breath and move your eye contact to someone else. The idea is that after speaking to one person for a little bit, you can ping pong to someone else. When you're communicating in person with more than one person, you want to think of this as a ping pong; this makes everyone in the room feel like you are talking directly to them (even if you never make eye contact with that person).

Let's also talk about prepping our content. We’ve been using notes on our screens all year and lots of people are wondering how to manage that when they’re back in person. 

It’s wonderful that this is accessible to us in virtual space, but as we transition this back to in-person communication, can we normalize using notes in real life?! I always carry around a notepad, and I will often jot three high-level bullets down before (or during) a meeting to help organize my thoughts. By jotting those notes down ahead of time, I am doing the work of preparation, and ingraining those ideas in my body.

Own your notes and permit yourself to use them. When you do, you’ll give yourself a second to ground yourself, to look down when you need a thought, take a breath, and then reconnect.

These are just a few ideas about how to bring our virtual world into in-person communication. Don't think of this as different. It is all an extension of the work that we've been practicing all year. I'm here if you have any questions. The anxiety of reemergence is real, and we are all feeling it.

In solidarity,

Leah