Speaking on Video in Our New Virtual Reality
Why is Zoom so exhausting? Here are tips for how to speak on video with more ease and less effort.
Zoom fatigue, technical difficulties, and collective anxiety can lead to impossible standards. We’re all figuring out how to speak on video and feel heard at the same time.
Video can be a powerful way to speak up and be heard—especially for those of us who identify as analytical or soft-spoken. We need to feel authentic and prepared in order to speak with confidence in a Zoom meeting. There’s an element of technical control on video that is easier to access than in-person communication. Many of the remote team leaders I work with feel much more confident with impromptu speaking on video than in-person.
There are great articles about how to show up when speaking on video (including this one by the wonderful Rachel Sklar featuring me and some of my favorite leaders).
I’m a communication coach and below you’ll find my impromptu public speaking tips for video communication as I answer some of the most common questions I get.
Why do I feel so vulnerable right now?
Communicating fundamentally changed overnight, so it’s no surprise that many of us are struggling right now. According to my data, most of us were already feeling frustrated with extemporaneous speaking before the coronavirus crisis.
We are public speaking constantly, and it's rarely at a podium. It's speaking up in remote team meetings, posting on social media, and advocating for ourselves and others. Most of us can avoid the podium but public speaking is everywhere—today, that means on a screen.
When I look up from endless Zoom meetings or mindless Instagram scrolling, I realize I’m barely breathing. This can happen with public speaking nerves as well. Constant screens make us more in our heads and less in our bodies. Right now, we need to be more embodied than ever.
Why is speaking video so exhausting?
Video is a microscope for inattention and that can lead to unintended hurt feelings. It requires hyper-focused physical attention but trying to be present all of the time is impossible in the best of times and can be harmful in this moment.
So, why is speaking on video so stressful?
In-person, 93% of communication is non-verbal but on video, non-verbal cues are missing or misconstrued. Eye contact is tricky, body language is cut off, facial expressions and vocal volume are amplified, and technical difficulties can make tone of voice confusing. That means we have to work extra hard to fill in the gaps, and if you’re like me, it’s likely to be negative. We’re also seeking validation right now which can throw you off-center when you can’t “read the room” or you can’t hear non-verbal affirmations because everyone is muted.
How do you make video communication safe?
Consent is always essential and that is also true on Zoom calls. Video-conferencing can silence diverse types of voices so it’s important to find ways to be “in the room” in a way that feels safe. You have the right to advocate for yourself in virtual spaces and to speak up in whatever way makes you feel most confident and comfortable.
If you’re hosting and you want to take a screenshot of a Zoom meeting, ask permission. If you’re recording, you should tell participants what you’ll use the footage for and give them an option to opt-out. Give people a variety of ways to opt-out too so they don’t feel put on the spot. Ask them to privately chat you or email you later and you can edit them out of the footage.
How do you make sure virtual spaces are inclusive?
Over the past few weeks, I've asked many leaders and CEOs how video calls and remote communication has impacted their teams and most people say they haven't thought about it.
We can't talk about any form of communication without addressing power and privilege. The person with the most power has the ability (and responsibility) to help others feel more comfortable in virtual spaces.
Inclusion on Zoom begins with over-communication. This term has been thrown around a lot lately but what does it actually mean? If you are someone who naturally under-communicates, it's important to give more context and instruction in this moment because people are more likely to be distracted, lost in thought, scared, or anxious.
Most people don't want to dictate how other people interact but on video, we need common ground and clarity to feel more comfortable speaking up.
At the start of any Zoom call, I recommend clearly and unapologetically addressing the following. This can be a collaborative experience too, where participants get to decide how they want to interact:
Talk about how people should engage and interact throughout the conversation. Depending on the size of your group, suggest that they interact by raising a hand, chatting, or unmuting themselves. This is especially important for groups over 6 people, and something that can be decided collaboratively.
Ask the group if they can see and hear you clearly and give them a way to let you know about any technical difficulties. Unapologetically tell them if you anticipate any interruptions or extraneous noises, which can help humanize the moment.
If it's relevant to the call, recommend their view (Gallery View or Speaker View on Zoom). Remember that some participants might be new to Zoom and you can take a moment to teach them how to mute and unmute themselves.
Invite participants to put their videos on but clearly give them the freedom to keep it off if they prefer (for any reason). This encourages them to be "in the room".
You can also help a conversation be more inclusive by adding your pronouns to your Zoom name and encouraging others to do the same.
How do I take up more space on video?
Do you tend to take up a lot of space or do you shrink when attention turns to you? Whatever your natural tendency, it will likely be amplified when speaking on camera.
For example, if your tendency is to lean into the camera, that can make it hard to feel confident and think on your feet. I recommend you lean back instead.
When I work with people in-person, I almost always recommend leaning back around a conference room table. Most people feel the need to lean in to show that they’re listening and engaged, or to try to get a word in. This tendency is amplified on video because we’re missing tons of non-verbal feedback and seeking validation more than usual.
The problem is that leaning in constricts our ability to breathe and signals to your body to feel less confident.
When you lean back, you feel more confident because taking up space increases your testosterone. Leaning back releases tension in your body and helps you speak with less effort. It helps you access your breath and your ideas, which helps you think on your feet. It also creates space for others to participate in the conversation.
Here’s the trick: In addition to feeling more expansive, you also need to appear expansive on the screen. The goal is to take up 3/4 of the space of the screen, so if you lean back too much, you may come off as distracted, unavailable or disinterested. Instead, put a sturdy pillow behind your lower back to prop you forward, and then lean back. This will help you feel more confident and appear more expansive to your audience.
How can I slow my rate of speech?
If you’re someone who speaks quickly due to discomfort or nerves, it’s important to counter that by intentionally pausing when you need to speak and using silence to your benefit. Well placed silence helps increase your audience’s retention and understanding 30-40 percent and can also help you sound more confident because you are setting the pace.
If your tendency is to take up a lot of space naturally, be sure to consciously create space for others who may be less comfortable to speak. If your voice naturally projects, video will amplify it so I recommend pulling back to 3/4 of your natural volume.
How do I show I’m listening on a Zoom call?
Because video communication is ripe for inattention and hurt feelings, it’s helpful to be intentional with your attention in important moments. Again, don’t do this all of the time, or you will exhaust yourself. Presence is draining! But if you consciously focus your physical attention with some consistency, it will show that you are actively listening and help your audience focus on what you are saying. It also has the by-product of aligning your attention so you can think on your feet with more ease.
A great tool to use for aligning your attention is eye contact. Where should you look when speaking on video? The simple answer is that it doesn’t really matter, as long as you are consistent.
If you are delivering a really important message or recording for an audience to watch later, looking in the camera as much as you can will be most impactful. This is exhausting and takes a lot of energy, so save it for those most important moments.
How do I make eye contact on video?
Another powerful option is to “make eye contact” with someone on the screen because when you do, you get all the benefits of eye contact in real life. Oxytocin is released along with a hormone that mimics the feeling of being in love. The person you’re making eye contact with won’t even know that you’re connecting with them so intimately, and you will still get all of those good feelings, which we need so much right now.
But the real benefit of using eye contact as an anchor is that it grounds your physical attention in the present moment so that you can think on your feet and align your thoughts and words.
Can I use my notes when presenting on video?
Another option is to own your notes! When I’m teaching, I’ll often have a high-level outline of what I want to say in a sticky note at the top of my screen, as close to the camera as possible. I’m always either looking at my notes or at the camera, but I’m really committed to whichever one I choose in the moment. This has the effect of anchoring my attention and grounding me in the present moment. It also helps my audience understand what I’m saying and feel more connected.
I’ve also been a fan of doing Zoom calls with a weighted blanket on my lap to keep me still.
How do I stop staring at myself on Zoom?
The first thing I do on any video call is hide my self-view. Otherwise, I’ll keep staring at myself. (I do have a number of clients who prefer to look at themselves rather than others and this makes sense to me too). For me, looking at myself makes me think too much about how I’m being perceived instead of being in the present moment when speaking. That’s why I recommend focusing on your audience instead.
Set an intention for how you want to make your audience feel. It is not always rational or logical. If I want my team to understand our goals for the week and act on them, a logical intention may be to instruct, but it doesn’t speak to the emotional undercurrent and what will motivate these specific people. I can make them feel comfortable, especially if they have a tendency towards freneticism. I can make them feel supported or welcome. I can make them feel galvanized, especially if energy is low. Choose something that counters the natural tendency of the group or the moment.
How do I deal with feeling overwhelmed on video?
Most of all, use all tools as a north star and only in moments that matter most. You will naturally go back to your innate ways of speaking. We always do. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you learn and practice this new way of interacting. And remember that we’re all figuring this out as we go along.
I’d love to hear what resonated for you and what other questions you have about how to speak on camera and communicating on video calls. Comment below or follow the conversation on Instagram @PresentVoices.co.