Talking about the holidays and COVID: How to communicate clearly about quarantining
With COVID cases on the rise, moving indoors as the weather cools down and the holidays coming up, it’s important to lead with clarity and compassion in conversations with loved ones about the virus. But why is it so hard?
We are dealing with so much disrupted communication right now, whether you’re behind a mask or on video calls all day. My most challenging communication shift has been trying to talk to loved ones ahead of intentional gatherings.
Thanksgiving is one month from today. Dr. Anthony Fauci, the country’s top infectious disease specialist, told his kids not to come home for the holidays. How have you managed challenging conversations about social distancing at planned gatherings for both work and personal life?
Let’s say we’re seeing extended family for an outdoor visit. Will we all wear masks? Have they been seeing other people? Should we have a conversation in advance so they don’t come in for a hug off-the-bat? Will we all get tested before? After?
Whether we choose to talk about it or not, it’s led to hurt feelings, confusion, and judgment from all sides. Social media can be a dead giveaway of someone’s level of comfort when it comes to social distancing, but is it accurate? It can lead to so many assumptions!
It’s also really hard to adhere to anything that hasn’t been clearly agreed upon. In the excitement of the moment, you’re likely to drop any rules, especially if they haven’t been discussed. A “just this once” mentality can be a slippery slope. We’ve all been there, and the holidays will be especially challenging in this regard.
Everyone is going to have different ideas of how we should gather right now and that will vary based on their location, number of cases where they are, and personal risk-level. But at the end of the day, this is a boundary issue and we do not feel heard when we don’t clearly articulate our boundaries. Here are some suggestions for how to manage this tricky kind of quarantine communication:
Zoom Out to the Benefit of the Doubt
Having challenging conversations can feel very “us vs. them” and confrontational. Counter that tendency by manually zooming out to see the scenario from above. I always assume people will take it personally if I bring up social distancing but maybe I’m bringing it up to protect them from my own risky behavior! Posing it as “we don’t want to risk bringing the virus to YOU” can be empowering and deflate any possible feelings of blame.
Get Visual
Use a chart to clearly share your current level of quarantine comfort. I love this chart below from the Texas Medical Association. Try sending this via email or group text ahead of a gathering and clearly stating, “Our family is comfortable with low-moderate activities. How about you?”. This allows others to articulate their own level of comfort and for you to clearly communicate yours as well.
Lead with Clarity and Compassion
When we communicate emotionally, clarity is usually sacrificed in exchange for not wanting to hurt feelings. This can lead to confusion. I can spend so much energy skirting the issue and monitoring feelings that I won’t actually say what I need to say clearly. We’re all guilty of this! I’ve been inspired by a framework for setting limits with toddlers (convenient because I have a toddler who is pushing limits right now) from @ourmamavillage on Instagram.
Try putting this into a formula, like this:
“I know we’re all excited to see each other” (Acknowledge) “We want you to know that we will be social distancing during our get together” (Boundary). “We’re excited to be with you outside and wear masks” (Creative Yes).