The shame, stigma, and secrecy of social anxiety can be the worst part!

Hi, I’m Lee—I have social anxiety and I love to share tips that have helped me so follow me for more.

I have social anxiety and I’m pretty good at hiding it. In fact, people are shocked when I tell them I have social anxiety (probably because we usually assume confidence in others, but not ourselves).

I spent over a decade stuck in a panic attack. Heart palpitations. Endless racing thoughts. AIR HUNGER (it’s the worst!).

But I’ve developed so many tools over the past ten years working with thousands of people and today I want to share some of my favorites with you.

The anecdote to anxiety is agency. It’s essential that we rebuild our ability to feel in control.

A big part of my process has been replacing habitual behavior (automatic thinking, unconscious fidgeting, extraneous effort) with presence.

We have to make the unconscious conscious.

This same process has alleviated my panic attacks and my social anxiety.

Instead of focusing on anxiety, focus on attention. Focus on focus. And refocusing when you inevitably lose that focus. Here are some examples:

→ When I’m anxious, I get quiet. I get formal. I lose access to my warmth. But my warmth is a big part of my personality. It’s where my strength lives. So when that’s stifled, I lose my personality. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong (I’m not talking enough! I’m saying the wrong things! I’m being awkward!) refocus on cultivating warmth on purpose. Focus on making a connection. Focus on making your audience feel supported. Focus on something you feel good about and capable of! This helps you cultivate control.

→ My anxiety makes me shrink (and I’m only 5-foot-nothing!). I speak fast and lean in. I minimize the importance of my words. Instead of getting smaller unconsciously, I refocus on taking up space. Projecting my voice helps activate my vagus nerve and gets me out of fight-or-flight. I refuse to shrink when speaking. I lean back and prioritize comfort. I pause on purpose instead of getting circuitous in my thought patterns. I slow my breathing to slow my thinking. I centralize my eye focus to centralize my thought process.

→ My work is a privilege. I spend my days supporting people who project a lot of confidence but secretly struggle with speaking. This is a daily reminder of the fact that most people are secretly struggling with social anxiety (my data shows that upwards of 95% of folks are suffering from anxiety at work and between 88 and 92% of people struggle speaking off-the-cuff).

What helps you alleviate your social anxiety at work or in life? Let me know in the comments! And follow for more anxiety tips!