You’re put on the spot in a meeting with senior leaders to answer a question about a project your team is leading. You know the project in and out—you work on it all day after all. But when you’re asked a question, you look up and away. Your eyes start moving rapidly. Your mind goes blank. You start over-thinking and suddenly can’t think straight.

You think, “Why can’t I recall information I know really well? How can I be seen as a leader if I can’t even speak up in a meeting and share what’s going on?”

You are not alone. Moving our eyes when speaking is deeply physiological. But if you tend towards anxiety, moving your eyes rapidly unconsciously can actually feed racing thoughts.

Instead of habitually looking up and away when speaking to find what you want to say next, channel your focal focus instead.

What’s focal focus?

I’m not talking about eye contact, which becomes irrelevant on Zoom and can be challenging for neuro-divergent people and in different cultural contexts.

I’m talking about focusing your eyes on any fixed thing—someone on the screen who makes you feel comfortable, your notes, a clock in the room, a key on your keyboard.

Focusing our eyes and then refocusing on something else focuses our attention and soothes our central nervous system (it’s the basis beyond EMDR therapy). And being intentional with our physicality can help improve focus and confidence so we think on our feet with more clarity.

So if you feel your eyes wandering or rapidly moving when you’re put on the spot, know that we all do it. It’s deeply physiological. But it’s also an opportunity to practice presence and regulate our nervous system.

Rapid eye movement and racing thoughts

Do you know why we all look away when we’re thinking? Eye contact disrupts our cognition (our ability to think on our feet), and it’s more intense the deeper or more effortfully you’re thinking.

If you are in fight-or-flight mode, your heartrate increases and this can speed up your racing thoughts. If your eyes are moving rapidly, this can make it harder to concentrate and follow your own train of thought (it can also make it challenging for your audience to follow you too!).

And (this is important) you shouldn’t be going into deep thought when you’re put on the spot. You should be accessing ideas you already know.

When you go into deep thought and tend towards anxiety, your fight-or-flight response is triggered. Your vagus nerve shuts down (responsible for relaxation, comfort, breath, circulation—all functions that are necessary when speaking in spontaneous settings!) and we become hypervigilant. The sympathetic nervous system also triggers self-criticism and limits self-compassion. No wonder it’s so isolating!

To make it worse, many of us unconsciously hold our breath when we’re in fight-or-flight which disrupts the flow of thinking on the gut-brain axis.

That’s why we lose our train of thought or go blank! Especially because the gut-brain in flow has been shown to improve cognition, memory, and mood!

Instead of trying to maintain eye contact which doesn’t matter on Zoom anyway, be conscious with your focal focus.

Think of directing your attention (and the attention of the audience) by using eye focus consciously.

When we consciously focus and refocus our eyes, we activate our vagus nerve and we also maintain more control over our thought process.

When we stabilize our focus, we access our expertise instead of efforting to search for something to say.

As one of my clients once said, it’s like the difference between seeking and knowing.

How to use focal focus to stabilize your attention

• Choose a speaking opportunity that’s comfortable (instead of starting with a high stakes moment which makes it harder to incorporate new things)

• While you’re speaking, pay attention to your focal focus. Are you unconsciously looking up and shifting eyes with each change of thought? Instead, consciously channel your focal focus.

• Don’t think about it as maintaining eye contact. You need to pause and think! Consciously look down or to the side to think and be intentional with where you’re looking when you do. I keep a picture of my kid off to the side of my desk or look down at a specific key on my keyboard).

• When I look down to pause, my belly goes out (I’m breathing!). I can take a micro-pause to think about where to go next while also refueling my body with breath. Pauses also make it easier for my audience to understand and retain what I’m saying!

• When you look at your audience, you can choose one person on the screen (or in the room) to make eye contact with.

  • If you’re on Zoom, choose one focal point towards the top center of your screen and avoid moving your eyes unconsciously to look at everyone on the screen. I usually move Zoom squares around so I’m focused on someone who makes me feel comfortable. You can also focus on your notes (I use Sticky notes so my notes window is narrow and short and I can scroll to avoid moving my eyes too much).

  • If you’re in person, think of channeling focus to one person with eye contact while speaking. When you’re ready to change your thoughts, you can “ping-pong” to someone else in the room. This creates a micro-pause as you switch focus and thoughts. And you don’t have to make eye contact with everyone in the room to be impactful.

When you consciously conduct your attention using eye focus, you hold onto your attention instead of flinging it to the ceiling.

Give focal focus a shot the next time you’re in a group speaking setting.