What awkward moments do you try to avoid on Zoom?

You know that feeling when there are technical difficulties and no one acknowledges it?

You know that feeling when no one takes the lead and everyone becomes overly deferential and polite?

You know that feeling when everyone tries to leave the meeting as soon as it’s over, to avoid getting stuck on the screen with others?

We've all been on both sides of it, and it can feel so uncomfortable in the moment.

So many of us spend effort trying to avoid these kinds of moments, but most of the time they make us seem more human and more relatable. As long as we don't get flustered in the process.

Instead of avoiding these things like the plague (ha!), expect them to happen. This gives you an element of control which leads to a more authoritative and confident presence.

How about the awkwardness that happens on Zoom calls when no one is taking the lead? Do you find yourself struggling to speak up, afraid of stepping on others toes?

These moments can lead to a lot of extraneous, inefficient communication because our attention is spent in emotional confusion instead of the task at hand. Our socialization makes it hard for us to take the lead when we are not given permission to do so.

Give yourself permission to lead.

There are many things that might get in the way of you leading in these moments. Perfectionism (a tenant of white supremacy!). Fear of offending others. Impostor syndrome (also rooted in white supremacy!).

What if leading was an act of service instead of an affront to others?

Many of the people I support have perfectionist tendencies. I do too and that's why I do this work. For reasons rooted in systemic oppression and the way we are socialized, many of us want this perfectionism to apply to our communication and leadership too.

It is so hard to remember that communication is supposed to be raw, messy, and imperfect. How would leadership change if we acknowledged that we as leaders are learning as we go and are susceptible to growth, mistakes, and learning from them?

We usually worry that others will be offended if we do this. In my experience, others are usually grateful to you for taking the lead.

I always relay this back to parenting, because it is something I've struggled with so much, both as a parent and a leader. When I remember that my kid needs me to be strong, certain, and most of all, clear, it gives me permission to lead in a new way. Leading becomes an act of service and not an affront to others.

Leading is an act of service, not an affront to others. In fact, lack of clarity in leadership can lead to more hurt feelings, confusion, inefficiencies, and miscommunication.

The next time you are in an environment where no one is taking the lead, ask yourself if it should be you. Can you do an active service in helping others be more efficient and effective?

Here are my tips for how to deal with awkwardness on video calls:

1. Expect the awkwardness: It is bound to happen in a moment with this much dynamic communication, so expect it instead of letting it surprise you. This will help you maintain your authority and confidence without getting flustered (psst: The same applies to public speaking nerves – ask me about it!).

2. Overcommunicate without apology: At the start of the call, let people know about any interruptions you are expecting. Doing this with confidence undercuts the awkwardness and gives you power and control in the moment.

3. Remember that there’s no right: A perfect version of this moment does not exist, but you can do a lot to make sure that nothing can go wrong. Studies have shown that we don’t look for perfectionism in others (confidence, competence, expertise, etc.), we actually look for their warmth (approachability, relatability, etc.). Even if something does “go wrong”, how can you make it purposeful? How can you turn it into a moment for human connection and relatability?

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!